This past week has been all about the girl time. My husband was out of town for the week, so the baby and I had 6 days of intense bonding. I think she became slightly sucky during the week. It was easier to pick her up the moment she fussed, rather than let her be, because it would take so long to calm her down if she got worked up....and being alone, I didn't have it in me all the time to do that.....so she was in my arms the better part of the week. It was nice though, she is so cuddly and it is sweet how she loves to be snuggled into me to nap. How can that be bad?
After all my planning while pregnant, reading, studying for the final exam of parenthood, I wonder how I am doing on the test. I had great intentions that I have already broke. She sleeps in bed with us more than she should. Part of this is me being so tired at night, that I give anything for sleep....and anything happens to be sleeping in the big bed. She sleeps so much better, quicker to get to sleep and longer next to me, so I cave. I really want her in her own bed though. As much as I get more sleep, it is not quality sleep. I think I need to exchange 1 really awesome hour for 2.5 mediocre hours. My goal next week is to have her in her bassinet most of the night each night and in her bassinet all the time by the following week. Eventually she will have to move to her own room, and for sure I am not sleeping in the crib with her. Really, I am not!
I also need to sort out the separation anxiety we both have. I hate people holding her and she hates not being held. This leaves me holding her all the time. My pipes are starting to look ripped, but my sanity may also be ripping a little. Her crying breaks my heart and I am not a fan of the cry it out method. I want to believe that if she is crying, she is communicating a need. I don't want to ignore the need to try and teach a 3 week old a lesson. I want to meet her needs. I just need to find a way to meet them while she is horizontal and on her own for a short while.
The wraps have really been my lifesaver so far. She loves them and hands free baby carrying seems to be working for me as well.
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
Thursday, March 24, 2011
labels for the sake of calling it something
I feel like I am labeled postpartum at the drop of the hat for having any emotions after the baby is born. I am not sure I am ok with this label or any other. Should a women not have any emotions after birth?
I researched this disorder before giving birth, so I would be aware of what I might expect if my hormones chose to take me there. I don't think what I am experiencing is anything close to PPMD.
Postpartum discusses a withdrawn self, who lacks interest in the baby, changes habits (really? do they not change regardless?) appetite decreases, lack of interest in self and others......and the list goes on. It is rather indicative of depression. What I am feeling is wildly different, yet labeled the same by some. I think I would be ok with a label it if was actually what I am feeling and there was some sort of help.....but perhaps the idea of a label is scarier than the truth?
My feelings have not been about keeping baby away or not wanting close contact, but the exact opposite. I want her near me 24/7. I like to keep this into perspective as well, that she is not even 2 weeks old. I do share her with her dad, and love when he takes over after work and in the evenings. I feel 100% confidence in his care giving and never question how he is handling her.....but outside the 2 of us, I hate people holding her. I am ok to pass her off for a few moments, brief moments, but then I ant her back. We had visitors last weekend, and for the 3 whole hours she slept, they passed her around and never back to me. It was torture on me. My nerves were shot when they left, I started to have nauseous feelings from it and I didn't sleep well that night. The experience was harmful to me. This is not to say no one can hold her. I am ok with someone else holding her (hands washed of course), but for a few moments at a time. I did all the hard work for 9 months, and now she is here, I feel a sense of entitlement to enjoy her for the short time she is so tiny. Am I crazy?? Do other mothers feel this way? I know in good time, I will want others to hold her, take her for a break, but for the first few weeks, I am not ok with that.....and so I am labeled. Can't this just be a sign of a really interested mom who is excited as hell her baby girl is here?
I researched this disorder before giving birth, so I would be aware of what I might expect if my hormones chose to take me there. I don't think what I am experiencing is anything close to PPMD.
Postpartum discusses a withdrawn self, who lacks interest in the baby, changes habits (really? do they not change regardless?) appetite decreases, lack of interest in self and others......and the list goes on. It is rather indicative of depression. What I am feeling is wildly different, yet labeled the same by some. I think I would be ok with a label it if was actually what I am feeling and there was some sort of help.....but perhaps the idea of a label is scarier than the truth?
My feelings have not been about keeping baby away or not wanting close contact, but the exact opposite. I want her near me 24/7. I like to keep this into perspective as well, that she is not even 2 weeks old. I do share her with her dad, and love when he takes over after work and in the evenings. I feel 100% confidence in his care giving and never question how he is handling her.....but outside the 2 of us, I hate people holding her. I am ok to pass her off for a few moments, brief moments, but then I ant her back. We had visitors last weekend, and for the 3 whole hours she slept, they passed her around and never back to me. It was torture on me. My nerves were shot when they left, I started to have nauseous feelings from it and I didn't sleep well that night. The experience was harmful to me. This is not to say no one can hold her. I am ok with someone else holding her (hands washed of course), but for a few moments at a time. I did all the hard work for 9 months, and now she is here, I feel a sense of entitlement to enjoy her for the short time she is so tiny. Am I crazy?? Do other mothers feel this way? I know in good time, I will want others to hold her, take her for a break, but for the first few weeks, I am not ok with that.....and so I am labeled. Can't this just be a sign of a really interested mom who is excited as hell her baby girl is here?
Friday, March 18, 2011
Transition complete!
Makenzie Ryann Guindon was born March 13th at 12:38 am.
We are both doing very well. We will post soon with our adventures. The first week has been great so far.....a little less sleep than I am used to, and not much accomplished other than a fed baby, but so far so good.
I showered 3 times which seems an awesome thing in itself!
We are both doing very well. We will post soon with our adventures. The first week has been great so far.....a little less sleep than I am used to, and not much accomplished other than a fed baby, but so far so good.
I showered 3 times which seems an awesome thing in itself!
Friday, March 11, 2011
week of rest and relaxation
I had my first week off work and spent it doing NOTHING!! Perhaps not nothing, but I was quite lazy. I had a small to do list, a midwife appointment, viewed a daycare and set up wiener sitters for the march break should I go into labor. This weekend is the start of 39 weeks.
The smallest signs of labor, all the 'stuff' that 'could' happen before your baby arrives keeps me up at night. There seems to be a small list of things to watch for and when those things start to happen, you are on your way. Not necessarily on your way quickly, but within the next few hours to weeks. A small window in the grand scheme of it all. It is always very hard to keep that grand scheme perspective when you are in the moment.
My midwife appointment went well. We discussed my birth plan and made sure we were both on the same page. My check up went well - blood pressure still low and the babies heartbeat still where it should be. They couldn't feel her head anymore which means she dropped even further. That is one of those small signs of labor pending.
We viewed a home daycare last night. The lady seems really nice and the place seems clean, organized. etc. Apparently you need to book these things up to a year in advance, so we are close to running out of time. One place that was recommended in town is booked until 2012 past my date back to work. That means people who are only 1/2 way through a pregnancy have secured spots - insane! We made a list of questions, which Jason was much better at asking than I was and will have to weigh out the pros and cons. I have 1 more I would like to see in town before I decide if this is the way we go. The other place is at a centre, so it will be very different. Besides all the basics, I think it will come down to a cost vs. language debate. We both really want the care to be in French, but could sway for a lower cost.
The wieners met their possible sitter last night too. They put on a show as they always do for guests. Drake tried to hump a toy which has not been done in years and Edward worked on his best irritating, high pitched cry for well over an hour until she would play constant ball with him. Lucky I am not looking for daycare for them! At least she agreed to still watch them and pop in when we need her to for a few days should I go into labor this week.
I will try for another post later in the day/weekend with the birth plan and daycare questions.
The smallest signs of labor, all the 'stuff' that 'could' happen before your baby arrives keeps me up at night. There seems to be a small list of things to watch for and when those things start to happen, you are on your way. Not necessarily on your way quickly, but within the next few hours to weeks. A small window in the grand scheme of it all. It is always very hard to keep that grand scheme perspective when you are in the moment.
My midwife appointment went well. We discussed my birth plan and made sure we were both on the same page. My check up went well - blood pressure still low and the babies heartbeat still where it should be. They couldn't feel her head anymore which means she dropped even further. That is one of those small signs of labor pending.
We viewed a home daycare last night. The lady seems really nice and the place seems clean, organized. etc. Apparently you need to book these things up to a year in advance, so we are close to running out of time. One place that was recommended in town is booked until 2012 past my date back to work. That means people who are only 1/2 way through a pregnancy have secured spots - insane! We made a list of questions, which Jason was much better at asking than I was and will have to weigh out the pros and cons. I have 1 more I would like to see in town before I decide if this is the way we go. The other place is at a centre, so it will be very different. Besides all the basics, I think it will come down to a cost vs. language debate. We both really want the care to be in French, but could sway for a lower cost.
The wieners met their possible sitter last night too. They put on a show as they always do for guests. Drake tried to hump a toy which has not been done in years and Edward worked on his best irritating, high pitched cry for well over an hour until she would play constant ball with him. Lucky I am not looking for daycare for them! At least she agreed to still watch them and pop in when we need her to for a few days should I go into labor this week.
I will try for another post later in the day/weekend with the birth plan and daycare questions.
Sunday, March 6, 2011
tick tick tick
the clock is ticking now. i am 38 weeks this weekend and down to the final countdown. it really could be any day now. i was so very uncomfortable last night trying to sleep and my bladder is so compressed that i was up about 8 times to pee. each time i got up, i silently hoped that labor would start so I could just stop peeing.
my husband has put in the request to the baby that she wait for wednesday as he is tied up before then. wednesday or thursday would be ideal for me really. the timing of it works out perfectly.
my time at work wrapped up well. my co-workers took me out for lunch on thursday to my fav restaurant. it was nice to see all the support as close to 30 of them were able to come. they also spoiled the baby with tons of great presents. this baby has more clothes and cool stuff than i know what to do with.
my mom's side of the family always plans their shower for after the baby is born. i am used to their system, and understand that this is their way of seeing the baby, but it makes it tough to register when you need a bunch of stuff for her arrival. hopefully we avoided buying too much of the big stuff and saved it for them. my dad's side is having the same type of shower this time, except when she is 4 months old. they are going to take the educational route i am sure and fill up her book shelf. i am excited she has so much support before she has even arrived.
i have been told by SO MANY PEOPLE to spend the next 2 weeks resting, doing nothing and sleeping. i am going to be so happy when people stop giving advice.....does that happen? although i appreciate the wisdom, let it be known that i never sleep. these 2 weeks will not result in better sleep. let it also be known that it is impossible for me to do nothing. i cannot veg in front of the tv all day for days on end. i may avoid a major project, but i will be doing something. and finally, let it be known that resting is easier said that done right now. the fact that i am not working, my mind is at ease, my husband is home, and i am prepared for the baby to arrive is restful in itself. i think i will just go about my days until she arrives as they unfold. i may venture out, i may nap, i may take on a few creative projects....knowing i am making my soul restful before her arrival.
my husband has put in the request to the baby that she wait for wednesday as he is tied up before then. wednesday or thursday would be ideal for me really. the timing of it works out perfectly.
my time at work wrapped up well. my co-workers took me out for lunch on thursday to my fav restaurant. it was nice to see all the support as close to 30 of them were able to come. they also spoiled the baby with tons of great presents. this baby has more clothes and cool stuff than i know what to do with.
my mom's side of the family always plans their shower for after the baby is born. i am used to their system, and understand that this is their way of seeing the baby, but it makes it tough to register when you need a bunch of stuff for her arrival. hopefully we avoided buying too much of the big stuff and saved it for them. my dad's side is having the same type of shower this time, except when she is 4 months old. they are going to take the educational route i am sure and fill up her book shelf. i am excited she has so much support before she has even arrived.
i have been told by SO MANY PEOPLE to spend the next 2 weeks resting, doing nothing and sleeping. i am going to be so happy when people stop giving advice.....does that happen? although i appreciate the wisdom, let it be known that i never sleep. these 2 weeks will not result in better sleep. let it also be known that it is impossible for me to do nothing. i cannot veg in front of the tv all day for days on end. i may avoid a major project, but i will be doing something. and finally, let it be known that resting is easier said that done right now. the fact that i am not working, my mind is at ease, my husband is home, and i am prepared for the baby to arrive is restful in itself. i think i will just go about my days until she arrives as they unfold. i may venture out, i may nap, i may take on a few creative projects....knowing i am making my soul restful before her arrival.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)