I like to think it is not me

I often like to think that it is not me when things are not well between people. If it is me, then I have to change to correct the issue, and I am not a fan of change. Therefore, I tend to think it is not me, but the other person, therefore the change can be on their end....and more importantly, things will be my way. It is a blissful rose coloured world I like to live in. To quote myself, which is a favorite thing to do, " I am the nicest person I know".

I am somehow butting heads with the in laws. Coming from my point of view, I am right and they are wrong. Coming from a more realistic point of view, I am sure it is more of a middle ground type of thing, but I caution on the side of reality. I am really trying to take the advice of a new e-mail friend and let some things just go, as they don't really matter, especially in the grand scheme of things.

Apparently I am the anti-christ. Funny enough, that is often not a debatable thing. The low down with a lot of 'apparently' thrown in:
~Apparently I hate my in laws .... all of them.
~Apparently I brain wash my husband to see things my way....aka, the wrong way.
~Apparently I am anti-social and won't allow people to call our house or visit - EVER.
~Apparently I don't take our daughter our to see the in laws - EVER.
~Apparently they all know this well, since they discuss it at great lengths amongst themselves.

So, after a long chat with my dear husband, which was not in our best inside voices, or at least not mine, we have decided that we need to sit the in laws down and make a few things clear.

~ I don't hate them. I just don't feel the need to be smothered by them. I don't do the family thing everyday with my own family, so I am not going to be doing it with them. I really value my down time. I grew to really appreciate being alone and love my quiet days.
~ I do not brainwash my husband. He happens to like how WE do things. Some are even his ideas.
~I prefer people to call before they come to visit. I like to present myself in a certain way, especially with my husbands family, and it is not in a tank top without a bra, yesterdays PJ's and unbrushed teeth. A quick call to see if popping over at that time works gives me 5 min to brush my teeth, throw on a sweater and joggers and hide some mess. I feel more at ease and a better visit can be had. I grew up in a household where people just stop in, ALL THE TIME and I hated it. Now and then a random visit is awesome, but I stress the now and then. As for the calling thing - how bizarre. I think this all stems from earlier boundaries set by me when we moved to this house. I had to set some rules to live in the same town as a lot of his family. Now they take it to the extreme....is that my fault?
~ We probably don't visit as much as we should, but we don't do anything as much as we should right now. We have no routine at home developed, and our evenings fly by. She is only 5 weeks old, and it is a lot to just get through the day some days, let alone appease everyone else. Give us a little time and be a little realistic of our days. If we visit one, we have to visit them all. This is at least 3-4 visits in one night or 3-4 nights. Is that a fair use of time? I know we need to make time for visits, but honestly, I need to also make time for a shower.
~I am finding out, that the in laws now discuss how I am hoarding my daughter, and not sharing well with others. Wouldn't it be grand if I lived far from both sides of the family? Then I could do as I please and everyone's feelings could be hurt equally. Instead of calling to come over or just calling to see if we could pop over there, they discuss amongst themselves how I am doing this all wrong. Thankfully every grapevine has leaks. This is where we are at now. I am trying to stop the nonsense and get to the root of issues, so I have to be the one with t he big girl panties who makes the first move.

The goal of this post was not to convince the reader I am right. I guess I just needed to see it in writing to see how things are laid out at the moment. What can I compromise on and what has to stay as is. I want to accommodate when possible and more importantly, I want others to accommodate when possible. This may not be how things are forever, it is just how things are right now.